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For Robin

In the past you have spoken critically / harshly (mostly about me but also about Carissa; and, e.g., faith-as-if-you-know-what-it-is) and I have often kept quiet because (1) I have been astounded with your presumption and judgment from a point of unknowing (‘ignorance’ sounds pejorative), (2) to speak up is or seems like too much denial or admission that I could be affected, (3) you are my younger brother and I feel protective, and (4) when I have explained or remonstrated you have mostly ignored what I say or gotten pissed and / or denied any issue (e.g. when you loudly and abruptly said ‘be rational’ in a tone that would have made SCMITRA envious, got pissed off when I said something, and later forgot / justified your behavior).

I have found your comments mostly off the mark in one way or other (fact, judgment, and what you think I should do); it is unpleasant. I wonder whether the façade of advice giving is a cover for ego (generally, good advice begins with listening and most often ends there—I am talking of ‘personal’ rather than ‘objective’ issues). Perhaps you think that you are objective and unasked for advice is objectively good; if so we are in disagreement.

I can’t and don’t want to try to change you. It is usually ineffective for me to try and change others. But I can change myself.

The first thing I can do is what I have just done—tell you what I think.

The second thing is not tolerate the behavior. If / when you indulge such behavior I will stop the conversation by disengaging (politely).

The third thing, related to the above in the sense of being assertive, is that I want you to know that I want the rest of my life to be an open block of time. Time is becoming more precious. Other agendas will have to fit in as they may.