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Dear Robin, Although some events to which I will refer are past I think it worthwhile to bring them up. It is not my intent to complain. The intent is a clarification which, since we have some years still ahead, I think is a good thing. My intent understood but not to persuade. I refer to a number of criticisms you have made of me and my life, sometimes stated with what seemed like anger and haste. It is significant theme though not pervasive. I responded sometimes by disagreeing with your factual basis. However, I think that facts—true or false, presumed or validate—were not the issue. I now see that our values have been so different that you may have been unable to see or judge. The differences are or were roughly that you have sought security and social acceptance significantly more than I. It is not that I have not felt the pressures of these issues. However, I have sought to resist and transform and have had some success in the endeavor. If you have been ‘mistaken’ in your perception, I too have been mistaken, as I have already said, in thinking that the issue is about facts. It is (probably) about the values that lie behind the judgment (which is not to agree or disagree with factual issues). The main point to writing is that I want you to know what I think and not, in relation to your judgments of me, to agree or disagree or to persuade you to my way of thinking. Now I come to a more immediate issue—that of my daughter, Carissa. I have said that the love I feel for her is without limit. However, love is not desire. It is the case, I believe, that regardless of underlying reasons, the situation is fragile. There is not much point to forcing or even trying to force a relationship and the fragility is such that too much persuasion may well be seen as forcing and experienced as confusing. My attitude has been and remains one of openness, of letting her know of this openness to her but of letting her decide if and when to connect… and to know that I leave the decision up to her. The approach does not guarantee a relationship but it is, I think, the best prescription for a good relationship. I add that I wish you had asked me if it would be OK with me for you to approach her. She and you are both adults and permission is not mine to give or deny. However, a request would have been a good sign, symbolically and practically for I know things that you probably do not. I recognize that you have a natural interest in her and I encourage that. If your input should be helpful that would be good. However, I hope you will respect my feeling that my approach is a good one. Here, of course, there is an element of persuasion—and it is primarily that I have priority in the matter. |