Anil Mitra January 1, 2020—February 29, 2020
Dealing with Angst
The purpose is to balance achievement of my
aims with quality of life in the moment and efficiency.
2. Outline of solution—my aims. This well developed. What is needed is (i) to define essential needs relative to ends, (ii) have tight focus, (iii) communication with and receiving strength with others, (iv) select the others and environment (Sangha) and treat everyone else with kindness.
3. Outline of solution—resolving the negative. This point is in-process. Especially important are (i) the moment—what triggers negativity and overcoming in the moment (ii) long term—learning, meditation, reflection and (iii) relating #i and #ii.
4. Sources for solution are my experience—negative and positive—and what I have learned about life and myself and my reading about and being in therapy and other personal and group processes.
5. Needs for this article—it is in-process and needs review, revision, minimizing, and editing.
Though not only for me.
And it is also about others but via myself, speech, and actions.
I must take responsibility, realize I must change—internally and externally, and take action to change.
If I feel put down—(i) what is the source in me, my interpretation, and what I can do about it (stop for a moment to reflect on what’s happening, allow the feeling, allow time…) (ii) reflect on the other and when appropriate speak to them.
It does not mean others cannot be changed but (i) the means of changing others is to change myself and how I see things, (ii) to talk to others about how I see and would like things, (iii) I cannot expect them to change or demand change, and so (iv) I will need to make the internal and external changes.
I tend to see demands being made by others. The first point here is that I perceive demands regardless whether a demand was intended.
I feel that what is important to me is being impinged on.
Sometimes its just that I don’t want the intrusion into my space and time.
More recently its that I see intrusion into the space and time I have defined for the rest of my life—‘realization of Being’. And more—
1. Realize that even if a demand is made I do not have to accept it. But I feel a demand partly because I don’t want to lose out on the positive side of the relationship. Here negotiation is possible—which is difficult for me (because of history) and so I should be aware of the difficulty and (i) reflect on how to negotiate openly (ii) negotiate.
2. Ask my self this pointed question—If realization is so crucial why am I not doing it already? Particularly, why am I not already immersing in nature and culture, why am I not traveling?
3. The answer is that I probably have not had (i) sufficient clarity in seeing the tradeoffs of immersion vs staying where I am and (ii) sufficient resolve and preparation (including spending less money, saving more, seeking other income including in process income).
4. So here’s what I can do. Address the issues (i) and (ii) and begin the immersion. That will give power to (a) to my resolve, (b) not feeling excessive demand, and (c) my aim—the process of realization.
The following cycle may begin at any one of the places in it.
Tension and predisposition to self doubt and negative self image ® conflate the tension with self doubt and negative self image ® feedback and escalation (of doubt, negative feeling, and tension).
But why this negative self-image?
Is it an absolute thing in itself; or is it relative—i.e., relative to some ideal image of myself as perfect in some ways and independent of what others think (that is, perhaps the self-image is normative but I idealize it as dependent only on my thought and feeling).
If it is about an ideal image, what is the source of the image? Review my life: birth > childhood and home > school, failure, success; and sport > college, youth, friends, and marriage > research, teaching, and the world of ideas | nature and inspiration > discovery of metaphysics > work at mental health > alcohol > retirement.
The direct address of angst is not to be seen as distinct from living and general process and realization.
These ways are ordered according to
2. Personal vs community, and
3. Projects are at the end.
4. Note that the arrangement does not imply order of use or importance.
Allow pure tension and recognize that its just tension, and quieting; attitude; and analytical meditation (vipasana) seeing truth—using all sides of mind, analyzing my mental state, its dependence vs independence of others (normativity; see where I may have over-idealized ‘self’); seeing Atman = Brahman.
For sleep; and to sleep.
Bringing myself away from concern with ‘lesser self’ into the real.
Sharing, doing for others, non avoidance of others, be aware of my effect on others, be aware of – anticipate – and deal with triggers of angst. Engage with awareness.
Practice to action.
Realization (writing, yogic, the phases), support, healthy living (diet, physical activity, rest).
Write—to externalize, but don’t overdo writing.
Aerobic, postural, stretching—in nature.
Seek Sangha, speak carefully, avoid toxic contacts.
Therapy might be useful. What kind of therapist? What are the community resources?
Move, trips and travel.
Look into the ways and catalysts of Buddhism, Yoga, the Gita, Beyul, Christian Mysticism, and more.
Refine my awareness and practice of the ways—see dynamics, catalysts and catalytic states.