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General plan—

Go for the ultimate

D—

To D—I love you and always will, but it is not easy for me to communicate.

To me—I love you and always will, but I must minimize the asymmetric relation. I will end sending cash until I have the money and open communication, e.g., her address.

B—

Visit—consult, no more than one month notice.

Phone—‘Thursday’ is good day to talk.

Prepare for neutral engagement and to avoid over exposure.

This is important—

When I talk of what is happening in my life the first purpose is sharing, not to get advice or judgment.

1.      Advice and judgment displace listening and so displace sharing (what is heard is incomplete, therefore tangential).
(If people are sufficiently different—and not too shallow—understanding will be difficult without perceptive listening.)

2.      So far as being useful, listening is best (for me) because it allows space for reflection in the presence of another, which is a spur to good reflection.

3.      Advice and judgment displace both functions—sharing and utility.

4.      I don’t like arguing (either) and the way of listening, I think, leads to better conclusions and closure.

To me—final resolution is limits, then cutting off (because, despite love, the cost is great).

Old issues—especially when the behavior continues, old incidents stay fresh and raw.

R—

I respect your intelligence-integrity, but do not accept your judgments as perfect.

You may choose to see your judgment as true, but this entails neither its truth nor my agreement.