Document status: February 11, 2013

Active, no further action for Journey in Being



There is one and only one absolute object

Ready for love. The “chatter” of who is right and wrong, though not zero, is taking a second place to construction and caring… and to objectivity and a working out of a balance among A, M, and A+M

The clouds cover the peaks and the cirque around the lake… then swirl and descend so that there is only a ceiling… the wind is cold and the evening blue-grey gloom as birds become excited and I remember why this is the most beautiful place on earth. I feel a part, not apart. I remember a 1994 storm here when I said “I am yours, make me part of you.” That feeling returns… and I think of M

Nature has given minds -my mind- the occasional feeling that “one” is even in one’s own immediacy, the whole universe. And in that universe, M. is the largest and loveliest object that is not me. This is interesting

M. would like a night and a day in a mountain winter storm - outcome unknown - not 2 seconds but 36 hours of adrenaline and fear

Next morning at the lake. Sun, sky, clouds, peaks ®

Tat tvam asi. I feel that

This feeling: everything is worthless except… ? Especially, my private subjective universe is. This desolation I feel is horrible is good

Understanding Wittgenstein’s concept of use vs. meaning and placing that concept in context

There is  wild element to this place of beautiful cliffs, circle of  peaks around the lake, clouds, green and chattering life… a self-contained world… elemental… calm then harsh… a place of light… and of gloom

I arrived yesterday… immediately noticed a single duck swimming from the shore to the center. Then later, as it turns dusk and a cold wind strikes my face and enters my layers of clothes… the duck is still swimming… and he is there again early next morning while mists still gather and the light is still grey

The solitary presence makes this world at once a place of stillness… but is to me an omen of what it can be


I arrived at the lake at 6pm today… 5 hours hiking today and 4 hours yesterday. This is the first time I did this in two days since 1991. It is my present to myself – I am 53 today

The lake is 14 miles from nowhere (Hobo Gulch), the last few miles are “difficult” and the elevation gain is 3600 feet. I carried a 64 pound pack. Not much by mountaineering standards or even my own standards. But I am very pleased - I have been doubting my physical condition. I suspect that with conditioning I can do the hike in a day

I did this hike two weeks ago in 4 days - a one day break for rain - much slogging, many people and no wildlife except for a single duck, small creatures and deer at the lake who are seemingly unafraid of humans because hunting is rare at the lake

This time: no people. That in itself is not particularly positive - I enjoy meeting interesting and friendly people on the trail. But -probably- as a result I encountered and noticed much wildlife

Once again it is that special time of fall when the afternoons are long and the evenings linger with a golden glow and it is warm but not hot. It is just before the weather takes a turn toward winter. It is that time of year when in the afternoons and evenings all creatures feel at ease and are about, feeding and occasionally playing

On the stretch from the ford at Rattlesnake Creek to the Middle Fork of Rattlesnake - a long warm stretch - I see quail, numerous other birds, squirrel, rattlesnake, garter-snake and  deer

On  a flat stretch a mile after the ford, about 75 feet ahead, I heard a rustle in the bushes. A black bear - not a full adult and truly near black - appeared on the trail. It was at ease. It stood up reached at some bushes to the side of the trail and let down to its square four legged stance. It was at that moment that it noticed me. It stared at me a moment, shifted, sniffed with head up swaying sideways, turned and cantered down the trail away from me for a second or two and then turned abruptly left off the trail, uphill and to the left, now at a full charge and crashing through the bushes. Thank you

It was on the same stretch of trail, at the same time of year and day about six years ago while hiking out that I saw, in the gulch to the side of the trail I saw and adult black bear. I first heard the crashing - it must have seen me first - as it tan up the gulch over the 6 to 8 inch round boulders. Boulders were flying, but the bear was sure footed. It was dark brown. I was in awe as the powerful shoulders rose and fell until the bear disappeared… that was almost as thrilling as seeing from a high ridge, loping down below, tail high, along a stretch of high meadow, a coyote. The coyote stopped, looked at me, continued on

The trail stretch from Enni camp to the lake was particularly alive with squirrel, chipmunk, deer, birds, lizard, skink, insects. As I hike I disturbed some animal or bird every few steps. The deer seemed particularly wild - perhaps they are especially alert because it is the second week of hunting season. At one point before the final creek crossing I alerted a family of deer. They crashed up a steep hillside to the right, bounding, but a fawn, still spotted, became separated and went up and left, agile and powerful in its gait despite its diminutive appearance

At the lake. The single duck I saw last visit is not to be seen. I miss seeing it. I had arrived at dusk amid circling blue-gray gloom. Storm clouds were gathering and enveloping, swirling around the peaks. It seemed wild to me. And yet the duck was swimming placidly, almost complacently, zigzagging across the lake, when I arrived, last thing before dark and again at first light, dawn… My camp is alive with small creatures. As darkness fell “oo-oo”, “oo-oo” - the owl. Deer are around my tent at night, all night. They seem to feel no fear. Their walking, occasional crashing, grazing is keeping me awake. They do not heed my yells. I screamed like a cat - my best imitation. The deer heeded that but only for a while. Just before dawn “oo-oo”, “oo-oo”

Everything seems soft here especially as the light of day fades and shapes, contours and slopes become unclear and then again at dawn as focus begins to emerge again. It is peaceful. And yet it is here and on the way that I have had the wildest experiences anywhere - heat, cold, storm, rain, ice, snow, boulder fields at the cirque, winds raging up the canyon, wildlife. It is most beautiful… and it is here that I have had most inspiration

Evolution and Design

The concept of the Absolute

From Evolution and Design to Being and The Elements of Being

I am and will be possessed


7 am, still by dawn’s light. From the ridge above my camp a deer has noticed my activity and now I see it against the sky. We focus on each other until it departs in about five minutes. There are two deer that circle around and then up into the wood behind and up from the camp

Sunset. Pink glow on the high peaks and cirque. The lake is 6600 feet, the highest peaks are more than 8900 feet and the pass across to Canyon Creek is 8100 or 8200 feet. Small birds are incessantly chirping, darting, and feeding. One comes within a few feet of me. It pecks at the ground without showing awareness of my presence. Suddenly I hear what I think is the sound of a jet but, no, it is group of ducks that loop the bowl of the lake with a powerful hum and then descend to the lake. They alternate between placid swimming and spurts of flapping, rapid swimming and play

Dusk. “oo-oo”, “oo-oooo-oo-oo-oo”. I counted


The ducks play all day. There appear to be two families

My bandana is missing. I think the deer have taken it. They chew at straps and other sweaty items for salt. They lick at urine apparently for the odor and taste

A fish-hawk? Circling, gliding, one plunge

Late afternoon. I lie at some flat rocks next to the lake in the sun till it set


As night began to yield its shadow to day. For an hour. “oo-oo”, “oo-oooo-oo-oo-oo” again

This morning a very tame family of deer came down to my camp. “Mother” and two fawn. The fawn are especially shy and   skittish. At first they remained in the distance. Then one came down at first bounding off at my least movement. Squeaks in the distance. Mother shows indifference. My policy: come as close as you like but do not eat my food. Finally the more adventurous fawn lost some of its shyness, came within 10 feet of where I sat and squeaked at me. Friendly? Went back to Mama and nuzzled. The fawn had spots at the side of the hips

Finally, the second fawn came down. It, too, was spotted but just above its tail on its back

A falcon (?) circles and perches on the top dead branches of a nearby tree

This is the second sun filled day in a row

Insects buzz and hum

Aww-rr-k, aww-rr-k, in the distance

No more writing for now. I might swim. Mostly, I will sense and be. I might do a small hike - or a longer one tomorrow. Monday - home? I want to see M. but I will not be here again for a long time


A wonderful climb above the lake. Energy and balance

At night. Howling. A family


Birdsong… and Raven’s cry from the high wide resonant blue sun-filled sky

Sparkles from the lake - warmth, sun, clear skies, light wind, gentle ripples. I will bring M. here

Sound of the overflow from the lake as it enters the upper reaches of the Canyon directs me to the path ahead. 14 miles downhill to my life and love

No more writing. I feel you directly. Farewell

Trinity Alps. A wildlife log


Helena to Hobo Gulch 1984. An adult across the dirt road

Alpine Lake trail 1987. Adult and cub stare at me before disappearing into the forest

Stuart Fork 1997. Adult and two cubs. A story

Rattlesnake Creek. September 27, 1994. The story in the narrative above

Rattlesnake Creek. September 26, 2000. The story in the narrative above


Deer are ubiquitous

1986 - 8: a magnificent buck, 20 feet away. Bear Valley Meadows

Coyote. 1983 - 4. BVM. Story above

Mountain lion. No

Raccoon, skunk. Often

Rattlesnake. Ubiquitous especially on Rattlesnake trail

Garter snake. Often. Especially damp places, and the banks of shallow slow flowing creeks

Frog, salamander, slugs – brown and yellow spotted, snails, toads, lizards, skinks

Salmon, trout


Papoose 1991, and after

Trinity lake 2000

Chipmunk, squirrel – gray and golden; ubiquitous. Mice

Red tailed hawk, fish hawk, Cooper’s hawk, goshawk, falcons – sparrow hawk [kestrel] and pigeon hawk [merlin] and the peregrine falcon, jay, eagle – golden and bald, great gray owl, pygmy owl, screech owl, spotted owl, great horned owl, woodpecker, kingfisher, yellow-breasted chat, black-headed grosbeak, chickadee, western tanager, swallow, hummingbird, dipper, great blue heron, killdeer, raven, turkey vulture


2000. Narrative above

1990 - 92. Emerald lake. Story similar to the narrative above

Insects. Gnats, dragonfly, butterfly, flies – ordinary / green / deer-fly, ants, bees, hornets, scorpion, crickets, inchworm, caterpillar, moths